Sarah Kanning

Note: This is a political post that pertains to writing and the imagination.

I read with some interest the discussion about Sarah Palin firing and then rehiring within a day the city librarian (among other city employees) as a “loyalty test” while Palin was mayor of Wasilla, Alaska (population: 4,600 at the time). You can read the detailed facts at the bottom of the post, but my writerly mind is much more interested in how that conversation, in which the librarian had to convince Palin that she supported her, might have gone…

SARAH PALIN VS. THE WASILLA LIBRARIAN:
A SPECULATIVE FICTION

Palin: Mary Ellen. So glad you could come.

Librarian: Well, now that I’m unemployed, I have lots of free time.

Palin: Yeah. (smirks) About that.

Librarian: What’s this deal about not supporting you? Is this about the hockey team’s bake sale?

Palin: …

Librarian: Because I told you I could only make two dozen bar cookies.

Palin (giving her an almost pitying look): This isn’t about cookies, Mary Ellen.

Librarian: Then why? I’m a librarian, for crying out loud!

Palin: I suppose you’ve already forgotten about prom.

Librarian: Sarah, we graduated fifteen years apart.

Palin: I was on the decorating committee. Ring a bell?

Librarian: What–?

Palin: We asked you to find us some photos for us. It was a Caribbean theme, remember?

Librarian: But I gave you the call numbers–

Palin: We asked for photocopies, Mary Ellen. Color photocopies. And you said–

Librarian: Sarah, really–

Palin: You said it wouldn’t be an appropriate expenditure of library funds.

Librarian: Color photocopies are expensive. We couldn’t just–

Palin: It was for the HIGH SCHOOL! It was a SANCTIONED EVENT!

Librarian: I’m sorry you’re still upset about it, but what–

Palin: I just want to know one thing, Mary Ellen.

Librarian (totally flummoxed now): What’s that?

Palin: If I come in there and ask for some photocopies for city council
meeting, or a fundraiser, or a bake sale, or my second cousin’s third
child’s baptism, what are you gonna tell me?

Librarian: Sarah is this really–

Palin: WHAT are you going to TELL me?

Librarian (defeated): I guess I’ll tell you, you’re the mayor.

Palin: And?

Librarian (cringing): And…go right ahead.

Palin: So glad we cleared this up, Mary Ellen. Now why don’t
you get back to work?

Librarian: You mean–?

Palin: Yes, you’re hired again. But don’t forget.

Librarian: I – I won’t.

Palin: And I don’t want to see any copies of Mother Jones or
The Nation lying around in the reading room either, you
understand me?

Librarian: Uh, right.

Palin: Mayor of forty-six hundred people is a big responsibility.
I don’t need some overeducated egghead undermining my authority.

Librarian (backing slowly away): No, no.

Palin: You probably took just four years to graduate from college,
didn’t you?

Librarian (really scared now): Well, I…that is…

Palin: Forget it. Now get out of here before I change my mind.

The Librarian FLEES. DICK CHENEY appears from behind the curtains
in a deer stalker and a quilted hunting jacket.

Palin: How’d I do?

Cheney: I gotta tell you, Sarah, you remind me of a young Nixon.
With tits. No offense.

Palin: None taken. Dick.

Cheney: Give you a few years to make an impression, and I can really
see you going places, kid. Now, how about we go bag us a moose?

PALIN grabs a RIFLE from the rack over her desk. They EXIT.

The End

THE FACTS

from the nonpartisan site FactCheck.org:

One accusation claims then-Mayor Palin threatened to fire Wasilla’s librarian for refusing to ban books from the town library. Some versions of the rumor come complete with a list of the books that Palin allegedly attempted to ban. Actually, Palin never asked that books be banned; no books were actually banned; and many of the books on the list that Palin supposedly wanted to censor weren’t even in print at the time, proving that the list is a fabrication. The librarian was fired, but was told only that Palin felt she didn’t support her. She was re-hired the next day. The librarian never claimed that Palin threatened outright to fire her for refusing to ban books.

…

Palin initially requested Emmons’ resignation, along with those of Wasilla’s other department heads, in October 1996. Palin described the requests as a loyalty test and allowed all of them (except one, whose department she was eliminating) to retain their positions. But in January 1997, Palin fired Emmons, along with the police chief. According to the Chicago Tribune, Palin did not list censorship as a reason for Emmons’ firing, but said she didn’t feel she had Emmons’ support. The decision caused “a stir” in the small town, according to a newspaper account at the time.

From the “newspaper account at the time” (Anchorage Daily News, originally run 2/1/97):

[In the termination letters] the mayor told them she appreciated their service but felt it was time for a change. ”I do not feel I have your full support in my efforts to govern the city of Wasilla. Therefore I intend to terminate your employment …” the letter said.

Palin said Friday she now feels Emmons supports her but does not feel the same about Stambaugh. As to what prompted the change, Palin said she now has Emmons’ assurance that she is behind her. She refused to give details about how Stambaugh has not supported her, saying only that ”You know in your heart when someone is supportive of you.”

…

The actions have caused a stir in Wasilla, a town of about 4,600. City Councilman Nick Carney, who has been an outspoken critic of Palin, said he received several calls at his home Thursday night and Friday from outraged citizens.

The sudden personnel shift is part of bigger problem of mismanagement in the city, he said, and may prompt a recall petition.

…

Emmons, who has been the city’s library director for seven years, would not comment about the affair.